If you’re looking for New Year’s resolutions, you’ve come to the wrong place.
I’ve never been one to make New Year’s resolutions. It has always seemed to me to be a self‑imposed exercise in failure, frustration and futility. After all, most resolutions boil down to one theme: I will no longer be the person I am, but another person entirely. What are the odds of succeeding with such a plan? And what does that say about your self‑esteem in the first place?
There is another insidious side to New Year’s resolutions as many people practice them. By setting yourself a generally unrealistic goal, you can afford to go easy on yourself for failing to achieve it. And you can make the same resolution next year. This absolves you of the responsibility of setting and realizing reasonable, achievable goals; absolves you from making the sort of advancements that would require you to set the bar even higher with each passing year.
I’m not saying I’m totally satisfied with the person I am. I’m not saying that I don’t have faults I should address, don’t have bad habits I should break or don’t have good habits I should adopt. I’m just willing to accept that the person I am is not likely to transform overnight into a newer, better, slimmer, more successful and better looking version of myself. That way, I don’t begin each new year with a week of self‑delusion followed by a month of self‑loathing.
I do have a different, personal ritual to mark the ending of one year and the beginning of another. It takes various forms in different years, but basically I try to end something unpleasant or negative, and thus make room in my life for something more productive, more sustaining. Sometimes my observance takes the form of an organizing binge: I clean out a closet, clear out a file cabinet, purge my pantry or thin out my book collection. [See “The Room of Shame” entry just below this one.] In other years I have paid off debts, ended unfruitful associations, changed jobs or accepted new challenges at this time of year.
Last year about this time, I was presented with a new challenge, an opportunity I did not seek and would not have thought myself capable of. Still, when asked I took a deep breath and said yes. On the one hand, I had no idea what all would be asked of me during the ensuing months; on the other hand, I could never have imagined the cascade of opportunities that sprang from that moment. The person I was at this time last year could never have envisioned the person I am right now, and no conceivable New Year’s resolution would have achieved the same end.
So if the making of a New Year’s resolution gives you focus, hope and comfort, then more power to you. But if your past experiences with resolutions have been negative, disappointing or depressing, maybe you need a better ritual. Maybe you simply need to clean out a closet. You never know when a life‑changing moment may come along or what form it may take when it does, but you’ll be in a better position to take advantage of the moment if you can find your shoes.
Happy New Year!