Home Improvement

Stop me before I buy another gadget.

Unlike a lot of women, I don’t accumulate dozens of pairs of unworn shoes. I don’t have a closet full of clothes that still bear tags. Only a small percentage of the books on my shelves are still unread. But if you look in my tool box—I mean my tool closet—you’ll find my frivolous weakness: tools and gadgets. I have power tools I’ve never unboxed. I have tools I’ve never needed. Over the years I’ve bought a dozen gadgets I’ve never found any use for. And still I want more.

I’m currently planning to attach some shelves to my kitchen wall. I have the shelves but I still need to buy the brackets, so I’m planning a trip to the big home building store.

This is not my first time to put up shelves. In fact I’ve done it many times over the years, and somehow I’ve always managed to put up shelves without the aid of a laser level. Why do I feel like I need one now?

It’s important that a shelf be level, I know. I have a level; in fact I have two, one short and one long. I know how to use them. So why do I feel this anxious itch to augment the perfectly good, perfectly ordinary, no‑batteries-required levels that I’ve had for decades with a high‑tech device of unknown price and dubious value? Yet when I think about that trip to the home improvement store, I keep thinking about that laser level. Maybe I really do need it, whispers the devil on my left shoulder. Maybe it will elevate shelf‑mounting to hitherto‑unknown heights. Maybe the shelves will shudder with delight at the very sight of it and dance themselves into position in a magical frenzy like the monoliths of Stonehenge were said to do.

But somehow I doubt it.

With tools, as with so many things in life, simpler is usually better. I strive to remember this, but modern home improvement stores offer a real danger to me and all those who share my weakness. There are so many delightful, appealing, unnecessary things to buy. Who knows when you might need an ultrasonic stud finder or a drywall saw?

I will resist. I’m going to resist. I’m trying to resist.

Have you seen that commercial for the cool automatic hammer that will drive nails in impossible places because you don’t have to swing it? I want one, even though I don’t have a single use for it yet. But who knows when it might come in handy?